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Cartoon of the week
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The New Golf Ball
Jim plays the same golf course every week, and has
particular trouble with the water trap on the 14th hole, losing a ball in it
every time he plays that hole. One round he decides that this process is too
expensive and decides to use an old cut-up ball instead of a good ball.
He opens his bag and gets the old ball, tees it up and
addresses it. Just as he commences his backswing, a mighty voice comes from
on high: "USE THE NEW BALL..." Figuring any advice from such a source should
be worth following, Jim picks up the old ball and tees up the new one again.
He starts his backswing, but once again is interrupted by a voice from the sky: "TAKE A PRACTICE SWING.."
Jim steps away from the ball and rehearses his swing. Just as he steps
forward to readdress the ball, the voice speaks again: "USE THE OLD BALL."
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The Brand New Golfer
The first hole at the Mobile, Alabama, Municipal Golf
Course was something to behold on that beautiful spring day several years ago. The tee sat atop a hill, looking down a narrow fairway, and the hole ended at a postage-stamp-sized green, surrounded at the back side by water. It was a hole that did not appear to be very forgiving to the careless or inexperienced golfer.
It was a busy Saturday morning, and my foursome was waiting
to tee off, as were several others. As the golfers in front of us stepped to the tee, There one man in particular. He was
in his early thirties, slightly pudgy, wearing a spotless shirt, trousers, shoes and every other golfing accessory his charge card could buy. Even his golf clubs, bag and pull cart fairly sparkled with "newness."
As we watched, the other three men made decent shots, and then waited as their fourth, the new golfer, stepped forward and teed up his ball. The man looked down the fairway, then carefully addressed his ball, made his backswing and swung mightily, missing the ball completely. His face reddened somewhat, but he did not look up as he again addressed his ball. His second attempt made a noisy whooshing sound, but missed his ball by an even wider margin. No one made any comment, and his three embarrassed friends simply looked away and cleared their throats.
For the third time, the new golfer addressed his ball, taking great care to place his feet, position his grip and waggle his club several times. Finally, he executed a careful and extremely slow backswing, followed by a vicious downswing of his club that barely topped his ball, which fell from the tee and rolled forward about four inches. For a moment he stood perfectly still, reddened face pointed to the ground. He finally looked up at the large group of waiting golfers, and with a perfectly straight face said, "This is the toughest darn hole I ever played!"
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A man was walking along a California beach
A man was walking along a California beach and was
in deep prayer to the
Lord. He said, "Lord, you have promised to give me
the desires of my heart. That's what I am asking you
for right now. Please give me a confirmation that you
will give me what I ask for." Suddenly the sky clouded up over
his head and the Lord in a booming voice spoke to him.
"I have searched your heart and determined it to be pure.
The last time I issued a blank request it was
to Solomon. He didn't disappoint me with his request for
wisdom. I think I can trust that you won't disappoint me
either. Because you have been faithful to me in all
ways, I will grant you what you ask for."
The man sat and thought about it for a while and
said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm deadly
afraid of flying and I get very seasick on boats.
Could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over
there to visit whenever I want?"
The Lord laughed and said, "That's impossible!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports
ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete...how much steel!!!
Your request is very materialistic, a little disappointing.
I could do it, but it's hard for me to justify your craving for
worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
about what you really desire, something you think would honor
and glorify Me as well."
The man thought about it for a long while and tried
to think of something really meaningful. Finally, he said,
"I have it, Lord. I've been married
thirteen years and have three daughters. They always tell me that I don't
understand women. They say that
I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that
I could understand women...I want to know how they
feel inside and what they're thinking when
they give me the silent treatment...I want to know how to tell when they mean yes
and say no...when they mean no and say yes...I want to know why they're crying...I want
to know what they really mean
when they say 'nothing'...I want to know how to make
them truly happy...That's what I want, Lord."
Then after a few minutes, God said, "You want two
lanes or four on that bridge?"
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God and the Scientists
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God, so they picked one scientist to go tell him. "God," the appointee said, "we've decided we no longer need you. We can cure diseases, clone people and create life, so why don't you just go on your way."
God listened patiently to the man, then said, "Very well. But first let's have a man-making contest, doing it just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
"Sure, no problem," the scientist said, bending down to scoop up a handful of dirt.
"No, no, no," God admonished. "Get your own dirt."
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Liverpool Community Church
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